How to make a big ass salad

Post-cleanse grub 2

When it comes to salads, I don’t mess around. In fact, I like to think I have salad-making superpowers. Know someone who hates vegetables? Send them to me and I’ll make a vegetable lover out of them. Which, I promise, does not involve locking them in a dimly lit closet with a basket of vegetables for days on end. Well, it might. But anything to get them to eat vegetables, right?

There’s a common misconception that salads aren’t filling, which I think solely depends on where you get the salad. How many of you have ever fallen victim to those salads they serve in restaurants? Did you ever go home and make yourself a second dinner? Don’t be ashamed. I’ve done it. In fact, I think I do it every time I get duped into ordering one of those overpriced bowls of lettuce from an establishment that ropes me in becuase it’s literally the only edible thing on the menu, to me. Well, friends, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, those salads? They’re not filling becuase they’re not big ass salads. In fact, I’m 115 pounds soaking wet and I would need to eat about three of those things to get full. You’re not alone.

A giant salad chock-full of 36 grams of protein
Big ass salad

The trick to a good salad is to chop all of the ingredients – including the lettuce. That way, every bite is filled with a variety of vegetables. Not to mention, you can kiss the days of getting fork-fulls of lettuce goodbye. This recipe is for the salad in the last photo, which left me smiling and satisfied (that’s what she said). If you don’t watch The Office, you probably should. While I’m giving advice, you should also find a dermatologist who can remove a mole without leaving a scar. Mine is part of the reason I refuse to move away from Denver. 
Restaurants with big ass salads: Watercourse Foods – Denver, Colorado // Northstar Café – Columbus, Ohio
Psst, more big ass salads here and here. Oh, and sorry for saying ass so much, dad.


2 handfuls mixed greens
1/2 head romaine lettuce
1 large carrot
2 stalks celery
1/2″ slice of onion
1/4″ slice of red cabbage
1/2 avocado
1/2 cucumber
1/2 gala apple
2 tbsp nutritional yeast
2 tbsp chia seeds
1/2 c. tempeh crumbles

Chop the mixed greens and romaine; add to a big ass bowl and set aside. Slice the carrots using your vegetable peeler; I usually just slice across the top so they’re perfectly round. Cut the celery into thin slices, and chop the onion and cabbage as fine as you can. Cut the cucumber and avocado into 1/4″ cubes. Slice the gala apple thinly then cut into small pieces. Add all vegetables to the big ass bowl. Top with nutritional yeast, chia seeds, tempeh and, if you’re like me, lemon juice and poppyseed dressing.

5 thoughts on “How to make a big ass salad

  1. This is basically an accumulation of everything I drool over and I would love for it to be swimming in my stomach right now. Yum!I wanted to stop by and thank you for putting me on your blogroll. And now I am thanking you for satiating my visual appetite 🙂

  2. Great recipe. I made an abbreviated version with a mustard vinaigrette. I'm so glad you noted that chopped lettuce tastes better. I always felt guilty about living chopped salad versus hand-torn lettuce.

  3. I LOVE big ass salads, and this one looks amazing. My biggest problem is coming up with dressings that won't make a salad like this 1000 cals. Do you have any suggestions or dressing recipes that you would recommend?

  4. Brianna's poppyseed dressing (or any Brianna's dressing, really), watered down. I usually do 2 tbsp dressing + 2 tbsp water + a splash of lemon juice. And I sometimes use straight up balsamic vinaigrette, but very rarely.

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