VANILLA BEAN ICE CREAM
3 1/2 cups soy cream
1/3-1/2 cup cane sugar
1/4 tsp xanthan gum
1 vanilla bean, split and scraped
2 tsp pure vanilla extractAdd 1/3 cup of the cream to a small saucepan over medium heat. In a small bowl, stir together the sugar, xanthan gum and vanilla bean; whisk into cream and bring to a boil. Once boiling, add the remaining 3 cups of cream and stir for 1-2 minutes. Remove from heat, transfer to a glass bowl, cover with plastic and refrigerate until cooled. Once cooled, pour the mixture into the bowl of your ice cream machine and mix according to the manufacturer’s instructions. Eat ice cream immideately (it will be somewhat soft) or transfer to a container and freeze until ready to consume. Thaw for 10-15 minutes before serving.Yield: about 1 quartBOOZY ROOT BEER FLOATS
6 scoops vanilla bean ice cream
Vanilla bean sugar
Root liquor (or any other liquor)
Good quality root beer
Stack three large scoops of ice cream up the side of a 16 ounce cup. Sprinkle with vanilla sugar. Add root liquor (to taste) and root beer. Sip with a pretty straw.
Yield: 2 floats, one for you and your favorite person
And don’t think I forgot about you people without fancy mixers or magical ice cream making devices. Because if you don’t have either, you can still make this stuff. Simply blend all of the ingredients together in your blender, then pour the base into ice cube trays and freeze overnight. Once frozen, transfer cubes to a plastic bag for storage, then mix in your blender whenever you get the sudden urge for ice cream (you may need to add a bit of liquid to get things moving). So, kind of like the whole frozen banana ice cream process, minus the whole banana flavor.
*A commenter pointed out the “high” calorie content of this ice cream (about 300/half cup) – so if that bothers you, you can strain out the nut pulp (although I don’t recommend it unless you’re seriously committed to sticking to your calorie counting diet). I, however, welcome high calories and good fat with an open mouth. Isn’t that the point of eating a diet full of mostly plants? So I can eat whatever the hell I want and not feel bad about it?
RAW CACAO ICE CREAM
1 3/4 cups raw cashews
3 1/2 cups filtered water, plus more for soaking
15 medjool dates, pitted
6 tbsp cacao powder
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon (I used Ceylon)Place the cashews in a small bowl, cover with water and soak for 6 hours, or overnight (if you don’t have a high speed blender, the longer you soak the cashews, the better). Once the cashews have soaked, discard the soaking water and transfer the cashews to the container of a high speed blender, such as a Vitamix. Add the water and blend on high speed for 45-60 seconds. Add the dates, making sure each of them is submerged, then allow to soak for 15 minutes. After 15 minutes, blend mixture on high speed for 30 seconds. Add the cacao powder and cinnamon; blend on high speed for at least one minute. Transfer to the bowl of your ice cream maker and mix according to the manufacturer’s instructions. Transfer the ice cream to a container and freeze until ready to consume. Thaw for 20 minutes before serving. I like to top mine with cacao powder and a handful of cacao nibs. I highly recommend it.Yield: about 1 quart
RAW NECTARINE AND CARDAMOM CREAM TART
1 cup raw almonds
1/2 cup raw cashews
1 1/2 cups raw walnuts
12-14 medjool dates, pitted and divided
1/2 cup raw nut milk (or water)
1 vanilla bean, split and scraped
1/2 tsp ground cardamom
Pinch of fine sea salt
2-3 nectarines, halved, pitted and slicedPlace the cashews and almonds in a small bowl; cover with water and let soak for 6 hours, or overnight. While the nuts are soaking, prepare the crust by adding the walnuts to the container of a food processor fitted with the S blade. Blend walnuts into a fine meal then add 8-10 dates and blend just until combined; about 30-45 seconds. Pinch the dough with your fingers – if it sticks together, you’re good to go; if not, add additional dates. Press the dough into an 8-10″ tart pan lined with parchment paper. Cover with plastic and freeze until ready to use.Once the nuts have soaked, discard the soaking water and add them to the container of a high speed blender, such as a Vitamix. Add the 4 remaining dates, nut milk, vanilla bean, cardamom and sea salt, and blend until smooth; about 45-60 seconds. Transfer the nut cream to a small, air tight container and and refrigerate until ready to use. Will keep in the refrigerator for up to one week.To assemble the tart, fill the tart crust with the nut cream and top with nectarines. For the arrangement above, line the nectarine slices around the outer edge of the tart, then work your way in. Tart will keep in the freezer for weeks, but be sure to let it thaw for 20 minutes prior to serving. If you do plan on freezing it, I recommend adding the nectarine slices just before serving.Yield: 12 slices
In attempts to avoid going crazy, I’ve been using Google to convince myself that the symptoms are a direct result of vitamin B12 deficiency, and have absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I used to love sniffing gasoline as a kid. But since Google doesn’t have it’s medical license, I’ve been trying to wrap my head around what could be happening within the confines of my circulatory system. Would they really put me through all of these tests if it was as simple as a B12 deficiency? Why didn’t they test for that? Or did they? And why didn’t they warn me about the fact that the hematologist was going to come in and feel up the swollen glands in my armpits and pelvic region? I MEAN SERIOUSLY. That kind of thing needs to come with a warning. Same goes for tiny humans.
While we’re on the subject, I think it’s important to inform future hospital goers that harassing the medical laboratory scientists, until they release the results to your doctor, doesn’t make them run your tests any faster. Nor does bribing them with cookies, money or marijuana. Ok, so I never actually bribed them with marijuana. But if they’re stupid enough to pass up HOMEMADE COOKIES, I think it’s safe to say they’d pass on the ganja, too (I say that like I know what I’m talking about, I have no idea). All I’m saying is, don’t waste your time – you’ll just end up looking like a fool. Especially when they realize your parents misspelled Ashley back in 1988. WAIT. Someone purposely spelled your name like this? Yes, my parents are assholes.
Just kidding. Kind of.
So we’re waiting. And hoping and praying and begging the Universe to send some good news our way. Meanwhile, I’m eating my weight in homemade tortilla chips and guacamole. It’s good for the soul, and good for gaining 10 pounds, too.
BAKED TORTILLA CHIPS
12 6″ sprouted corn tortillas
1/4 cup sunflower oil
1 tbsp fine sea salt
Juice of one lime, optionalPreheat oven to 350˚F. Line two large baking sheets with parchment paper; set aside. Brush each tortilla (both sides) with the oil, then cut into eight triangles. Line the triangles on the prepared baking sheets; sprinkle with salt and lime juice, if using. Bake at 350˚F for 4 minutes, then rotate baking sheets and bake for an additional 4-5 minutes. Remove from oven and immideately transfer to a plate lined with a couple layers of paper towels (this will absorb any excess oil). Serve with salsa or guacamole, or enjoy them as is.
Yield: 96 chips
CHERRY CRUMB PIE
2 cups unbleached flour1 tbsp cane sugar1/4 tsp fine sea salt1/2 cup coconut oil, liquid4-6 tbsp filtered water, ice cold5 cups halved cherries1 tbsp pure almond extract1/2 cup cane sugar4 tbsp tapioca starch Crumb topping
1/2 cup unbleached flour
1/4 cup almond meal
3/4 cup sucanat (or brown sugar)
1/2 tsp fine sea salt
6 tbsp coconut oil, liquid
1/2 cup rolled oats
2 tbsp vanilla sugarIn a large mixing bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar and salt. Drizzle in the coconut oil and mix with a fork to combine. Add 4 tablespoons of the water and mix with your fingers until a dough starts to form (if needed, add an additional tablespoon or 2, to get the proper consistency). It’s not going to be a perfectly smooth dough, FYI. So don’t spaz out over it’s unsightly crinkles. Pat the dough into a disk then wrap with plastic; refrigerate for at least 45 minutes.While the dough is resting, prepare the other parts of the pie. Add the cherry halves to a large bowl and toss with almond extract. In a small bowl, whisk together the cane sugar and tapioca starch, then toss with cherries; set aside. Prepare the crumble topping by whisking together the flour, almond meal, sucanat and salt. Using a fork, stir in the coconut oil. Add the rolled oats and toss to combine; set aside.Preheat oven to 375˚F. Sprinkle an 8-10″ pie pan with flour; set aside. Line a flat surface with parchment paper and sprinkle with flour. Remove the dough from the refrigerator and roll out into a large circle, 1/4-1/3″ thick. Fit the dough into the prepared pie pan, trim the edges, then finish with the detail of your choice. Fill with cherries then spread the crumb topping evenly over the cherries; press firmly to pack. Sprinkle with vanilla sugar. Bake at 375˚F for 15 minutes. Remove from oven and cover the edges of the pie crust with foil. Bake for an additional 25-30 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to cool completely before serving. Store in a not-so-air-tight container for up to three days.
Yield: 8 pieces